Why We Did The Things We Did.
TIE:
Three Impact Elements™
Framework for Self-Understanding & Growth
We often reflect, regret, doubt, or self-criticize past decisions. But the truth is, every choice we’ve made was shaped by three key factors: our circumstances, our knowledge, and who we were at the time.
The TIE: Three Impact Elements™ method helps you reflect on past decisions with compassion and clarity, allowing you to move forward without shame or guilt. Instead of dwelling on “I should have known better,” this method will enable you to understand why you made certain choices and how to grow from them.
What is the TIE Method?
Every decision—big or small—is influenced by three key elements:
Tangible Impact – Your Circumstances
These are the external, real-world factors affecting your choice. They include financial stability, career situation, relationships, health, and available resources.
💡 Key Question: What was happening in my life when I made this decision?
Internal Impact – Your Knowledge
This refers to your understanding, awareness, and available information when the decision was made. We often judge past choices using current wisdom, forgetting that we didn’t know then what we know now.
💡 Key Question: What did I believe to be true at the time?
External Impact – Who You Were
This is the most personal factor—your mindset, emotional state, and identity when you made the choice. Were you feeling confident or insecure? Were you operating from trauma, hope, fear, or trust? Who you were then influenced how you saw your options and what felt right in the moment.
💡 Key Question: How did I see myself and the world when I made this choice?
Why the TIE Method Matters
Instead of judging yourself harshly for past decisions, the TIE Method™ helps you recognize that:
✔ You made the best choice with what you knew at the time.
✔ Circumstances, knowledge, and personal growth evolve—so do our decisions.
✔ Understanding your past choices gracefully helps you make better ones moving forward.
This isn’t about excusing mistakes—it’s about understanding them with empathy so they don’t define you.
How to Apply the TIE Method
Whenever you find yourself thinking, “I should have done things differently,” walk through these steps:
→ Identify the Three Impact Elements: What were your circumstances, what did you know, and who were you at the time?
→ Replace Judgment with Understanding: Recognize that you were doing your best with the information and mindset you had.
→ Use This Awareness for Growth: Rather than dwelling on regret, ask yourself: What have I learned? How would I approach this differently today?
Example: A Past Relationship You Regret
You may look back and think, “Why did I stay in that relationship for so long?” But using the TIE Method™, you might realize:
→ Tangible Impact (Circumstances): You were financially dependent, lived together, or lacked outside support.
→ Internal Impact (Knowledge): You didn’t yet recognize red flags, believe you deserved better, or have the self-awareness you do now.
→ External Impact (Who You Were): You were still healing, learning, or growing into the person you are today.
Instead of shame, you now have self-compassion—you were doing the best you could, and you’ve grown since then.
Try It Yourself
The next time you feel guilt or regret about a past choice, take a deep breath and apply the TIE: Three Impact Elements™ framework.
Write down:
→ Your circumstances at the time
→ What you knew back then
→ Who you were when you made the choice
→ Then ask yourself: Knowing what I know now, how can I move forward with self-compassion?
This simple practice can reframe self-judgment into self-understanding, allowing you to grow without carrying unnecessary guilt.
Your past choices don’t define you—they shaped you.
Give yourself grace.
